Benzinga – There has been a lot of unfortunate news out Rio these past couple months. The latest shows some savvy Rio entrepreneurs taking advantage of the 2016 Summer Olympics.
Author Alex Cuadros pointed out how Rio cocaine dealers are now using the Olympic logo on their dime bags. However, the label does include the warning “don’t use near children.”
I’m a former ad guy, so occasionally I’m going to drop some advertising/branding knowledge on you. It’s free, don’t worry. This right here should be in textbooks for years to come. It’s a grade A marketing ambush, that leverages the strength of the conversation around the Rio Olympics….and cocaine. Now, which dime bag are you going to remember, the one that’s unmarked that you bought from the man in the dark alley with the unplaceable European accent? Or, will you remember the locally grown, organic, olympic branded cocaine that you bought on the beach from a native, lifelong Rio de Janeiro-ian? You’ll remember the branded bag. Why? Mainly because Europeans with unplaceable accents can’t be trusted, but also because branding is everything. These drug dealers have worked hard to steal the logo from the Olympic Committee, who worked hard to gather the highest quality athletes, who worked hard to be the best in the world. So by the transitive property, these drug dealers are working just as hard, if not harder, than the athletes who are actually going to be competing in these Olympics.
These drug dealers also have a safety warning on their blow:
However, the label does include the warning “don’t use near children.”
So again, I try to be pretty unbiased, but just look at who has built a brand that cares and gives back to the community if you happen to find yourself in Rio and can’t decide between 2 different dime bags of coke*.
Let’s dive a little bit deeper into the shit show (quite literally, you’ll see why) these Olympics have turned into so far. Keep in mind that we are 3 days away from the opening ceremony. So far, we’ve a breakout of a virus that will shrink your unborn children’s heads. We’ve had gang wars going on over the top of the 1 highway from the airport to Rio itself. We’ve had sabotage by the workers who built the Olympic Village causing shit to flow out of every orifice of the athletes rooms. To top it all off, if you actually get sick, shot or catch fire, the EMTs, police, and firefighters are all on strike because nobody will pay them.
I have no choice but to feel for these olympians that compete in sports like kayak sprinting and speedwalking, they probably only get one shot at this. They aren’t Kevin Durant, they don’t get a chance every 4 years to be the best in the world, they only get this one shot, and they have to take it in Hell. Good luck if you’re actually crazy enough to try and go watch the olympics this year. You’re going to need it.
*This is not sponsored native content. I was not paid by Brazilian drug dealers to write this blog.