KATU – The owner of a popular mini doughnut shop in Portland has found himself in hot water over a help wanted ad.
The ad, which was billed as the “best job in Portland?” on Poached Jobs last week, says prospective employees of Pip’s Original Doughnuts & Chai shouldn’t have any non-medical or non-religious dietary restrictions that would “stop you from tasting, accurately representing our food and maintaining quality control.”
The ad caused a social media firestorm when dozens of people left negative reviews on thestore’s Facebook page, and even sent “hateful” messages via email.
Well, it looks like Pip’s Original Donuts and Chai* has gone and dug themselves into quite a predicament here, haven’t they. If there’s one group of people that you don’t want mad at you it’s Social Justice Warriors on the internet. The other group that you should avoid offending, if you don’t want to read mean things online about your business, are vegans. What did Pip’s do? The ole double whammy. They posted a horrible, hate-filled, discriminatory job description for their heathen donut shop and riled up the vegans that have internet access and smart phones. How dare you expect your donut chefs to actually try the donuts that they’re making? Is it that hard to hire another person to stand next to the vegan donut chef to try every donut that comes off the assembly line? Jesus, you’d think these people had never run a small business before. Just go out and hire another person to do literally nothing but stand there and taste your donuts! How hard is this? Of all the places to go offending vegan, social justice warriors they picked Portland, OR, too. That’s the epicenter for angry vegans, and thus not a smart business move for Pip.
In all seriousness though, this combination of people has to be the worst on earth. Social Justice Warriors, who will stop at nothing to end every perceived injustice that has ever occurred on the internet ever, and the vegans, who will stop at nothing to convert you to their sick, twisted eating habits. Do you know who wasn’t vegan? Cavemen. Do you know why they weren’t vegan? Because you become weak and frail, and will be eaten by a sabretooth tiger. The human body is not designed to not eat meat or animal products. Look at that woman who tried to climb Mt Everest to prove that vegans weren’t weak. She died. It’s sad. It wasn’t being vegan that killed her though, it was her desire to shove her veganism down everybody’s throat. She wanted to climb Mt Everest to tell the world she was vegan, and now she’s dead. See what you did, vegans? You’re killing people. So maybe it’s time to sit down, have a slice of cheese, and reevaluate your priorities. Just think, if you start eating cheese, you can order Domino’s every day, and it might save your life.
*This might be the most Portland, Oregon shop of all time, but I bet they make some killer donuts.