Toronto is getting its very own poop restaurant, and it’s exactly what it sounds like


(Independent) – In Toronto, a city crammed full of fine restaurants, famous chefs and innovative dining ventures, it would be difficult for anyone to create a new fad.

But one George Brown College graduate is hoping her “Poop Café Dessert Bar” will cause the next big stink.

Opening mid-August in Koreatown, Lien Nguyen’s cafe will offer an all-brown menu, in the shape of human stools.

It’s about time! This is exactly what Toronto needed. Rumor has it that people were practically rioting in the streets for a poop restaurant. Well, I’ve got some great news, Toronto. You’re getting your wish. You get your very own restaurant where everyone gets to eat poop ice cream out of toilet bowls. It’s like a horrible, perverted Charlie and the Chocolate factory remake. Let’s just hope that Grandpa Joe stays home this time.

I never in a million years thought that this would actually make it to the Western Hemisphere. I had heard rumors of these feces-themed restaurants existing overseas, but I never thought I’d see the day where our neighbors to the north are being subjected to such culinary torture. The last thing anyone wants to think about after a delicious meal at another, presumably non-toilet-themed, restaurant is eating poop. It’s almost as bad as thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis eating that yogurt that makes you take dumps. Not the ideal scenario, is it. You’re welcome.

The mastermind behind this restaurant has some quotes for the ages about her reasoning for opening this monstrosity.

“It’s funny to put food and poop together; it’s a great comparison. It stayed in my mind for a long time.”

Newsflash, Lien, no it’s not. Poop is gross. Putting poop with food is gross. It’s not something that stays in any sane person’s “mind for a long time.” And how about this one:

“I’m trying to make poop cute,”

I have an idea, stop trying to make poop cute. It’s not cute, and it will never be cute. As a matter of fact, if it could be done away with entirely, I think the human race would be on to something. How is it that we can’t operate at 100% efficiency? We’ve been around for like 10,000 years (don’t tell Ken Ham) and we still have not mastered digestion? Get it together humanity, we’ve got a long way to go.


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