In a surprising turn of events, larger wine glasses make people drink more

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(SOURCE) Anyone who’s ever woken up with a hangover but can’t explain how they drank so much now has an excuse backed by science.

Big wine glasses make people drink more. That’s right, a crack team of experts helped by a Bristol University professor has actually taken measures to prove that serving wine in larger glasses leads people to consume more of it. Cambridge University led the research with help from Professor Marcus Munafo, from the University of Bristol, after a separate study revealed larger tableware increases the amount people eat.

How do I get a job as a researcher? I sit here in my cube and watch study after study released that includes some of the most obvious conclusions in the history of modern science. Rather, the most obvious conclusions of any science as we know it. If you sat Sir Isaac Newton down in front of a  bottle of vino and told him to only have one glass of wine, and the glass was the size of a gatorade jug, I can bet you that he’d figure out that larger containers make people eat and drink more.

It’s all about real estate and perspective in the containers that you’re working with. Every basic sorority girl in the world would like to be able to say “I only had one glass of wine last night, I don’t know what happened?!” Well, sister, your glass was the size of a regulation size gasoline canister, and you drank 3 bottles of wine in that one glass. It’s all about perspective. I only took one trip to the the buffet at golden corral, my plate was the size of a trashcan lid. You can see why I now have jaundice and type II diabetes. See what I mean?

Back to research. The findings that come from this “scientific research” are a joke. As a matter of fact? Research itself is a joke. All these people do is sit in a room and come up with tests that we all know what the outcome will be. It’s like Marty McFly going back in time to bet on sports in the 50’s. We know that being homeless is bad for your health, we know that the Mexican drug war increased homicide rates, I don’t need to pay a team of nerds to tell me that. What I do need, is an explanation on why NYC cleans its streets weekly, but the streets never get any cleaner. Explain that, researchers, and you’ve got my grant money for life.

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