BONUS INCLUDED: What kind of drug dealer would every presidential candidate be?
(SOURCE) A woman listed as the RSVP contact for U.S. Sen. John McCain’s re-election fundraisers was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of drug charges after Maricopa County sheriff’s deputies found an active meth lab and other illicit drugs while conducting a search warrant at her north-central Phoenix home, officials said.
This is the kind of politician that I can get behind. A man whose campaign was funded by crystal meth. The American dream in a lot of ways. Don’t have the money to be where you want in life? Build a meth lab in your basement and use the money to fund a political candidate’s campaign. Like I said, the American dream.
Never in a million years would I peg John McCain as a meth guy. I guess it makes sense since he’s from Arizona and every house out there comes with a meth lab pre-installed. With that said, let’s take a look at the remaining candidates and the drugs they’d deal if they were indeed drug dealers (which I’m not saying they are, please don’t sue me).
Donald Trump: The Donald doesn’t sell drugs, but he knows a drug dealer. He’s an excellent drug dealer. He’s the best drug dealer you’ve ever seen! He’s going to sell so many drugs you’ll be begging him to stop selling so many drugs. You get the picture.
Hillary: Hillary sells whatever the kids think is cool these days, so probably Molly I guess? She’s the cool drug dealer that will give out free hits just to make friends. She’s always at all the best concerts and is in with all the owners of the best venues. She’s a big EDM fan, if that’s what you’re a fan of too.
Bernie Sanders: Weed. He’s from Vermont. Weed in Vermont is like hockey in Canada. Everyone does it. He probably tokes up with Ben and Jerry before they all house a gallon of Phish Phood each. He’s pretty worried about big banks all the time, maybe take another hit or two, Bernie.
Ted Cruz: Jenkem. Could you not see this guy sniffing poop to get high? What a weirdo.
Here’s to election season. Buckle up, cook some meth, and let’s get weird.